Chapter 14 – Visits from friends
Autumn is, by far, my oldest friend, so seeing her when she came to visit was a hint of normalcy. I don’t remember how much I was involved in arranging to have her come visit from California, but I’m sure my sister took care of the majority of it from our side. I never really thought about it but my family didn’t really have any solid idea who I am friends with or how close we are; though, with Autumn I don’t think my family was in the dark, but they definitely didn’t have her contact information… Thank you, Facebook. When she got there, I still had my neck brace and trach, but had done away with the feeding tube; she says she doesn’t remember me eating much, which makes sense, I did go from 170-180 lbs. down to 125 lbs. very quickly. This was also during the time when I was demanding or begging to have someone sleep in my room; apparently my sister took the 1 to 5 am shift and Autumn would come in at 5 to let her get some rest or sleep. She came along for my therapy sessions while she was there and got to see me attempting to be social with people. I think the strangest part of the whole visit for her wasn’t that I was paralyzed or in the hospital, but was witnessing me go through endless small talk with person after person. That is nothing negative about the people I was talking to, it was simply a byproduct of seeing people for such short periods every few days; not frequent enough for a day-to-day conversation, but not so infrequent to have significant changes to talk about.
She didn’t pull back on giving me shit on anything; it was nice to not be coddled and treated like a child. Of course, that meant plenty of eye rolls from me for shots I thought were weak, but plenty of giggles when she landed a good one. That is not a suggestion for you to try that with someone after a traumatic event; you have to know your audience. Having her there was great, but at times really highlighted my desire to have someone around but also be alone. She did everything right; I just hadn’t had a day alone in over a month; I was almost definitely an ass hole to her in some subtle, or not so subtle, ways. Being my friend since 3rd grade meant she was well acquainted with that side of me and charged forward with a smile and some return fire, when appropriate. Admittedly, there is a part of seeing friends or having them visit for the first time that provides a distinct reminder of what I was unable to do; the initial burn was the fragile hug that people gave me… I mean, of course they did. But if you have ever hugged someone who was sitting down, you know how awkward it can be logistically.
I met Stephanie in Japan; she was in one of my classes at Sophia University but I basically never approach people I don’t already know so we never really hung out. Thankfully, she was friends with my friend Alex B., who invited her to come hang out for my going away party, as I had recently decided to transfer schools and head back to the US. Again, thankfully, she wasn’t living in Japan permanently, she was just there as a semester abroad deal, and actually lived in Boston. One of my favorite photos was taken that night of the two of us and I can feel how happy I was just looking at it; I was surrounded by all my favorite people from Japan, in my favorite place, and was mid conversation with Stephanie for the first time. She came out to visit me in Boulder when we were both back in the US, and we went and explored some of the hiking trails back in Rocky Mountain National Park. She is super smart and has a wide range of interests, which made talking to her really interesting and engaging.
Again, I’m not sure how it was arranged, but Stephanie came out to visit while I was at Craig. When she first got there, we were in the therapeutic recreation room; the only reason I remember that is because when she went in to hug me, her scarf or jacket caught the joy stick that controls the wheelchair. Just as her hand hit my shoulder, I heard the *click* of the motors turning on and my brain started frantically assessing the options, both physical and verbal, that might help avoid crushing my friend’s feet and legs. It’s truly amazing how much your brain can process in just an instant. Think about how many words and how much time it takes to explain a thought you had in a fraction of a second. However, despite your brain being able to process an enormous amount, it doesn’t prevent you from coming up with absolutely nothing. Have you ever been asked to name all the animals you can in 60 seconds starting with the letter “B” and all you can come up with is “…baby elephant?” and they look at you like “WTF… You are a wildlife biologist…” Yeah, that sort of deal. I’m pretty sure I ended up pulling away a bit and stammering “oh, oh, oh,” as the chair began to swing around. Thankfully she was quick enough to pull back enough to take pressure off of the joystick and stop the chair. Crisis avoided.
Speaking of crises, she arrived on Friday the 13th and at the end of the day I remember her sitting on the couch while I sat in front of her in my temporary manual chair, everyone glued to the TV in my room. The November 2015 Paris attacks were all over the news, and it didn’t seem like anyone had any relevant information to report. It was strange being so focused on something that wasn’t immediately surrounding me in the hospital. It just reminded me that at any given moment, the entire range of human experiences are occurring all at once, just spread across the globe. In a lighter turn, for the rest of her trip we were watching different anime and putting on facial masks that looked vaguely like kabuki masks but really just made us look like Ed Gein trying on some poor sap's face.
Okay… she looks normal. Me, on the other hand…
It might sound stupid to say but I have no idea if she was there as a friend or something more. Things with her have always been pretty ambiguous; we just never really talked about it. There were times when we were definitely just friends and times when we were definitely more. When things are at all ambiguous, I tend to default to thinking that they think of me strictly as a friend and I try to act accordingly.
